His Will doesn't always add up to our own......

It's been yet another year since I blogged.  I never know what to actually blog about and wonder if anyone will read it if I did, or would they say, "I didn't really need to know about her crafts, meals, etc."  So I usually just opt out of it completely.
However, this is the easiest way for me to write more of our story and have it in one place that all who want to read it can just click and see it. 

The last post I did about ttc (trying to conceive) we were kind of at a stand still and with frustrations about fertility pills being prescribed for too long we didn't feel like we had much for options.  We waited in that space for almost a year I guess.  Trying naturally, not succeeding.  We finally decided to go back to the fertility clinic and went ahead and did an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination).  Because I had been on Clomid for 9 months previously I was not able to take that to help increase our chances.  So we did it without meds.  It didn't work.....

A few months later we came to the decision of trying our final option - IVF (In Vitro Fertilization).  I started some hormones and then the self-induced injections, twice daily in the abdomen. (that was really difficult for me and I was very nervous.  But I became comfortable with it after a few days).  I really had no choice. Over the next couple of weeks I drove into Vancouver for bloodwork and ultrasounds so they could monitor my hormone levels and look at how my uterus was doing and then start measuring my eggs. When the time came Jordan and I both went in and they harvested my eggs and he gave a sample.  I only had 5 eggs - however they said they looked good.  Three were for sure mature.  I found that to be a painful procedure.

I got a call that day and the lab said that 3 eggs took the fertilization. YEAH!  We opted for what is called ICSI  (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) where they inject the sperm directly into the egg so it doesn't have to work to get in and fertilize.  It saves a step and the doctor thought this may be our problem - Fertilization.

We waited.  On day 3 we got a call saying they'd like to wait until the, now embryos, were at 5 days growth.  On day 5 my mom and I went back downtown and I had the Transfer.  It was a very easy procedure and I had no pain.  On this date only 2 of the 3 embryos continued growing and they chose the best of the 2 to transfer to my uterus.  The lab would call me the next day to tell me how the other was doing.  I got the call and unfortunately the final one stopped growing - we had none left to freeze in case this didn't work, or in case we decided to do it again after success. BUMMER.

We waited.  There was a lot of waiting.  Wondering.  Praying.  Tears.  It was two weeks before we were able to find out if it worked - if I was pregnant.  I had the bloodtest scheduled and went with a lot of doubt as my body was telling me I wasn't pregnant and a few home tests were not positive.  The bloodtest was Negative - what I felt was true.  It didn't work.  SO many questions and thoughts flooded my head and heart. "What is wrong with me?  What is wrong with my body that I can't get pregnant?  Are we trying to cheat God and go above Him with medical science? Doing it on our own? God, what IS your will for our lives and our family?"  Then I felt Peace.  His peace.  Peace that can only come from the Father.  I prayed so much for a child. I prayed so much that our family would expand.  God listened but then I felt Him quietly say "Be content".

Jordan and I will be celebrating our 9th wedding Anniversary on Wednesday.  Of those 9 years of marriage, we have tried to conceive children for 7 years.  That's a long time, and it is hard.  When the IVF didn't work, our eyes were instantly opened to the MIRACLE child that God has truly already given us. One pregnancy =  Makena.  She is our JOY (which is her middle name) and He blessed us with her.  As tough as it is to swallow the thought, and reality, that we-most-likely-will-not-have-more-kids, we are Happy, Blessed, Content, at Peace with it. 

Not my will but your will be done in me God. 

So that's our story.  We know that SOOOOOO many have been praying along side us for another child and we are so thankful for your faithfulness in doing so.  For your support, love, friendship....words cannot express.  I know it sounds like we have given up - we haven't completely - Jordan's not going to Dr. P or anything.  It's just not our focus.  If God decides to say YES, we will be surprised and blown away.  Maybe that's what He wants anyways :)

Honey Mustard Chicken Freezer Style

In my post about meal planning I had mentioned Freezer meals. Last night we had the Honey Mustard Chicken that I had prepared in advance and froze in ziploc bags.  We are a family of 3 and our little eats poultry/meat like a bird so 2 chicken breasts is enough for a dinner.  I was able to get 3 bags with 2 breasts in each out of one batch of sauce.  

With keeping dinner 'easy' I pulled out the Knorr Sidekicks Scalloped potatoes.  Not the healthiest of course but easy. (We also had steamed broccoli on the side)

Here are the 2 dishes before heading in the oven to become delicious!

Post baking - I had to keep them cooking longer than I wanted as J was running so dinner was later. (Hence the crisp sauce edges)

Plated.... we ended up pputting a bit of the honey mustard sauce over the chicken.

I love BBQ season so I will definitely be doing this again for the summer time as marinated chicken is so wonderful - especially when you don't have to prepare it that day! 

 

 

Without further ado here is the recipe for the HMC.  

(day of defrost the chicken and bake at 350 degrees for 45 mins - as you would cook any other chicken breasts normally)

 

Honey Mustard Chicken Freezer Recipe

Makes two meals for six people, three meals for four or four meals for three people!

12 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup honey
1 cup prepared mustard
2 tsp dried basil
2 tsp paprika
1 tsp dried parsley  

 

Mix all ingredients and pour into bags.  Lay bags flat in freezer.

 

Hope you have a chance to give this a try!

 

Have a great day. *A

 

Today: Shopping State Side

This morning Makena and I headed across to the States for a quick shop.  I went down for a couple items in particular and they didn't have them......ergh.

So we went to Trader Joes.  How can you not right?  I need a few essentials and then tried out some extras that I haven't yet tried.  Here is what I got.  

I love Hummus so I got the snack packs and the container.  Thought I would try out their Cinnamon Rolls on Sunday morning before church.  Cilantro dressing is simply delish so had to grab that!  I picked up Satay Peanut sauce last time I went down, was going to make some homemade possibly next week but then stumbled upon some in the frozen foods section.  Dinner should be great!

I threw out a ton of crackers that the boxes were all opened and half eaten.  I hate when that happens.  So it was definitely time to stock up!           

My SIL picked up the Lime chicken Burgers so I thought I'd give 'em a try.  And of course Makena saw the Apple Cinnamon Sticks and thought we should try those.  Lol.  Pita Chips for the hummus.

We love bagels.  Makena would eat one every day if I let her.  That girl loves her carbs!  Cheap and good milk, and of course, can't forget to grab a bottle of wine!!

We also hit up the Dollar Tree, which was where I was hoping to grab foil pans with the bardboard lids - I use them for freezer meals as I can write what it is on the lid with a sharpie and the cooking instructions. No. Such. Luck.  NONE to be found!  Ugh.  Oh well.

I love that I can buy name-brand at the Dollar Tree.  Soft toothbrushes that get replaced often and paste = perfect. I found 2 cup bakable bowls with BPA free lids too.  How perfect for a small dip?  A portion of left overs?  I grabbed 4.  Lol.  I love using baggies so I get them there so I don't flush my money down the drain.  You get 60 sandwich bags for $1....

Ran outta vinegar and my Keurig needs to be descaled with it so stocked up!

More baggies and a set of funnels.  I realized I have ZERO funnels in my kitchen.  How have I been putting spices in the jars?  I am sure I have been making huge messes.  No longer.What do you buy when you are in the States?  Are there specifics that you go down for? 

What is you favorite(s) from trader Joes?  I always love to hear.

I have not blogged in well.....10 months.....

There are no updates in the TTC front.  Hate to disappoint.  Lol.  We are still trying.  And trying.  And trying.

I posted on facebook wondering who blogged still as I hadn't seen much action on my blog roll and hadn't blogged at all myself.  I found that a few people replied they were blogging, and some wanted to read mine.....eep.  Not sure what I will start blogging about again.  I have this set to 'public' so I don't want to post photos or get too personal on information. 

A friend posted her meal plan today and I thought "I have been meal planning, I guess I could post on that" Haha

So here goes!  A week and a half ago I decided I needed to start meal planning again as I had fallen off the rail in September.  I did up a plan and used my new Best Of Bridge Crockpot recipe book for a couple meals.  I went and did my grocery shop for the week and I also made freezer meals.

For the freezer meals I made:
Chicken A La King (3 meals)
Turkey Enchiladas (5 meals)
Honey Mustard Chicken Breasts (3 bags with a marinade)
Breakfast Burritos

This weeks Meal Plan includes 3 of the frozen meals!!  Makes it super easy and my grocery bill was only $50 for the week as I spent more last week to make the meals.  Gotta LOVE that.  I will be making more freezer meals for sure to make dinner time easier and less prep work. Allows me to do more chores around the house until closer to dinner time and not stress about it all.

Monday: Chicken A La King (freezer meal) with Puff Pastry and salad.
Tuesday: Spaghetti and Garlic Bread
Wednesday: Honey Mustard Chicken (freezer), Scallop Potatoes, Steamed Brocolli
Thursday: Turkey Endhiladas(Freezer), with rice (J is away so it's just M and I)
Friday: J is away so may sneak over to my parents. Hehe
Saturday: Family Dinner at my parents.

There you have it.  Easy Peasy this week.  Maybe next week will be a bit more inspirational for the the Meal Planning.

Finally.

I finally booked an appointment to see my family doctor.  I saw him on Thursday last week.  We chatted about what I have done in our TTC (Trying To Conceive) journey as he had referred me to the gyn and I hadn't seen him in awhile.

I expressed my frustrations I had with the gyn and how he had put me on the Clomid for 9 months and therefore I couldn't do the Insemination procedure when we went and saw the Fertility doctor.  He told me that he wouldn't have put me on it that long because of the risks of cancers.  Lovely.  Ergh!  Makes me really upset about it.  BUT - I cannot change the past and I can only look towards the future for bigger and better things!

I asked to have the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) done that I mentioned in my previous post.  I fully expected him to hand me a requisition and have me call each month to try and get in.  It didn't happen that way.  He stood up and said he would give it to the ladies at the front desk and have them call.  WHAT?!?  :) 

The next day I got a phone call from a hospital in the area saying that they had an appointment booked for me for the following week.  Wow.  I got emotional and thanked the Lord for letting it happen right away.  I didn't think it would as I waited almost a year to get in for it while TTC Makena.

They got me in the first try?  Still so amazed. 

SO - I go in for the test in the morning and although it is extremely uncomfortable and a bit painful, I am excited.  It's another step towards getting pregnant.  If nothing irregular shows up then at least the "cob webs" will have been 'flushed' away like last time....5 years ago. 

Please pray that we will get some answers after this test and that it will help us like it did before.  I am praying and believing and have a little lighter steps. 

Love, *A

What this Avon Rep uses

As an Avon Independant Rep. I find that I don't always share the products that I use. I usually just share photos of products I think would be great to buy (sometimes ones I wish I could buy!)

SOOOOO without further adew, here are some products that I use and a few I own and have yet to start using soon.

For washing my face in the shower I use "AVON CARE 3 in 1 Cleansing Lotion" This face wash has a cleaner, toner and moisturizer in it. I like it.

Next, I recently changed my face moisturizer to the "AVON CARE Moisture Replenish Daily Hydrating Cream with SPF 15". As always, I broke out when I started using it. Probably because it actually had MOISTURIZER IN IT! My skin is so dry that I cannot use a facial moisturizer that is oil-free. It was so hard to find one that wasn't and that didn't cost and arm and a leg. I persevered through some breakouts and finally my skin got used to it and I love it!!

For my eyes I use a few of the Avon products and I LOVE all of them!!

I use the "Blackest Black" Glimmerstick eyeliner. I like how smooth it is when it glides on and that I don't need to use a sharpener as it self-retracts.

When I first started selling Avon I was super pumped to buy the "mark. i-mark Custom Pick Eyeshadows". They are sold in individual colors that you can put 2 or 4 in a "Snap to it" case. I bought Mink, Whisper, Plum Velvet and Corset and put them into the Mid size Snap-to-it case. The case has a magnetic strip that holds the shadow in. You can also put two blushes in or 2 shadows with a blush. So fun to customize my shadows!

These shadows are so nice, the colours are rich and they last sooooo long!! I have had mine since August and I use them almost daily and it doesn't even look that I have used them at all.

My favorite mascara from Avon is the" SuperShock Max Mascara". You can get it in Black or Black/Brown and it also comes in Waterproof. I seriously love it and it is always on sale for a great price.Okay so I am done with my facial products.

Next is the "Footworks Anti-Rub Blister Stick". I recently purchased a pair of TOMS shoes and since you are meant to buy them smaller than your show size because they stretch, I found that they rubbed the back of my ankle. I put the anti-rub blister stick on before putting my shoes on and they didn't rub at all! No more blisters or pain! Woo Hoo!! It is a clear stick so you don't get any colour on the foot or redisue on the shoes. Bliss.

When I signed up to be an Avon Rep I was given a tube og the "Moisture Therapy Intensive Treatment Hand Lotion". My hands get pretty dry in the winter so before bed I put this on (as it is quite thick) and it soaks in and makes my hands look so nice in the morning!! Love it.

I have this "Hammered Links Long Necklace" and I am looking forward to wearing it. It is a new purchase so I haven't worn it yet. But I really like the look of it!! So fun.

This little tub is the "Solutions Tinted Moisturizer with SPF 15". I need a tan to wear this or else the rest of my body looks white and my face looks tanned. So I used it in Arizona yesterday as I have gotten a slight 'glow' and I love it. I can use less cover up on my blemishes and it just feels so nice on!

I have purchased this face wash as it was on a HUGE sale and I couldn't resist!! As I have recently turned *gasp* 3-0, I am noticing that my skin just-may-need-some-age-defying-system.......:( So I bought this little guy and will try it out when I get home from Arizona. It is called "ANEW Rejuvenate Revitalizing 2-in-1 Gel Cleanser". A friend has tried it and gave a really good review so I am pumped to try it!

There you have it! All the products that I use.

You can contact me at avonwithamanda@hotmail.ca to find out the current campaign prices on any of these products. Send me your email address and I can email you the e-brochures as well.

Take care, *Amanda

Happily serving the Langley Area :)

Courageous but lacking a little still

I find blogging can be hard. Hard to find the right things to write about, trying not to just-blog-to-have-something-for-people-to-read. I want to blog so others can be encouraged, or to bring a little nugget away in some way from my sharing. I want to share what is on my heart.

(Don't get me wrong, I LOVE reading other friends blogs that blog daily! I LOVE their posts and am thankful that they write them for me to read! I just don't have the time or ideas to post all-the-time)

After I wrote about our 'journey' in trying to conceive baby #2 it seemed to open a door to many responses. I got instant replies from women who realized that they are not alone in their similar journey but they didn't know how to open up and share, and they now have someone to talk to. I got responses of people saying they are praying and believing along side us. And I got responses saying "it took courage for you to share that".

Courage. Hmmmmm, maybe? But I don't always have it.

cour·age 1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

Maybe in some situations I can be courageous. Or find just enough courage to get by. I found it in being able to share in my last post. But sometimes I just can't seem to muster enough up. Do you ever feel like that?

This past week a group of Mom-Friends and I went to visit some girls at a local women's recovery house. We had a great night of fellowship (those girls there are incredible - God is so good) and headed downstairs for some worship. At the end of singing, a few friends were asked to share their 'stories'. I sat and cried as they shared their hearts and I silently hoped and prayed that I wouldn't be called out to do the same. I don't know why. But I just couldn't find the courage to say "I'll share" when asked who else would like to. I couldn't. I was actually trembling a little.

Why can I share my heart on my blog? Or share my heart to a friend? But not to a group of women who could take a nugget from my story? This is something I need to work on and pray about. I talk about my struggles, and hopes and fears with friends and family. I need to. But why can't I share my heart with strangers? Christian women who are eager and willing to listen? Maybe it's the fear of public speaking more than the lack of courage to share my heart. Thoughts for me to pray about.

Lord, please give me courage in the places I need it, in the times that are appropriate, and in the moments that can touch a heart or two. I love you God. Amen.

::Thoughts.....::

I have been humming and hawing about whether to continue blogging. I thought "What will I blog about? I don't journal so what will I write?" Well, I thought I would write what is on my heart right now.

I just popped onto a friends blog and read through what she has started and I started to well up. She's going through what we are. Yet each story is different. We have been trying for another baby for 3.5 years. Since Makena was 6 months old. Alot of you know our journey, but some of you probably don't. It's no secret; infact if you ask me about it I am happy to talk about it. I find that talking about it helps me not to keep it all inside.

I get alot of the "Is she your only one?" "Do you have more children?" "Are you planning to have more?"

YES, NO, and YES!

Of course when it is a stranger asking, or not the right timing, I nod my head and say "Yes, she is our only child so far". I say "so far" because I believe God has a plan for our family. What it is - I don't know. When it will happen - I don't know. That is all in His hands.

We tried for Makena for just short of 2 years. At the time we felt like that was the longest wait of our lives. We hadn't gotten pregnant yet and we had the unknown of if we could. I went for a HSG test and 2 months later I found out I was pregnant! We didn't do any form of fertility what-so-ever. Praise the Lord.

This time around it is different. We have been waiting for 3.5 years. I have been on 9 rounds of Clomid - a low dose of fertility pills. Jordan and I were referred to a Fertility Doctor by the Gyn. that my doctor referred me to. I told him that I had been on Clomid for 9 months and he frowned. I should have been on for only 6 months. Because the Gyn put me on for 9 months we couldn't use the Clomid in a treatment called Insemination. The Clomid enhances the dropping of a second egg, giving the chances of conceiving a higher percentage. Apparently if I were to go on the drug for any longer my chances of developing cancer would increase.

No thank you.

The Fertility doctor gave us options. 1) Try insemmination without the drugs. Basically as if we could do it on our own at home! But pay them to do it! Ugh.

2) A Laparoscapy - a surgery that the doc goes through my belly button area with a camera to see if there are any underlying issues.

3) IVF.

We left there approx. 5 months ago not sure what to do. We opted for trying to do it on our own some more. It hasn't happened. SO I am going to make an appointment with my doctor to discuss some options. I want to be sent for another HSG, see the benefits of the laparoscapy, basically what he thinks our next step should be.

That is where we are at. I wanted to share as maybe some don't feel like they can ask. Maybe you think it is a sensitive subject. It is sometimes, but I can talk about it so don't be afraid to ask me.

We are continuing to pray for another baby to add to our family. But you know, if He doesn't bless us with another I am enjoying our first miracle very much and thanking God for her.

"Thank you Lord God for the miracle baby that you gave us almost 4 years ago. The day I found out I was pregnant I was in shock. I couldn't believe that after waiting so long that it had finally happened. God you know our hearts and the desires of them. I pray that if it is your will, that we will be given those desires. Lord I pray for Makena, that she will understand that it is only in Your timing that anything will happen. Thank you for loving us enough to give us one child to raise. We will continue to teach her Your ways Lord. I love you. Amen."

Starting Fresh!

You probably haven't been here in a while and you will notice now that this is the only post on here.

I deleted all my old posts *gasp!* I copy and pasted the ones that I want to keep as memories and things that Makena did in her first year. First words, movements, etc.

I am okay with it! Don't worry!! haha

I wanted to have a new blog but didn't want to create a new blog since so many have this address already. I realized I created it in 2006! Wow. 5.5 years later and I am starting anew.

Hope that I can blog more. I hope to journal more and not have the pictures on it of Makena and family that I had before. I don't want my personal info on here anymore ie: where I live, names of people, etc. But I will be real. This isn't a blog to not share who I am, it IS a blog for that, just not on that side of personal. :)

Okay so what will I blog about? Hmmmmm we'll see what comes on my heart next.

This was the start.